One of the many dangers of absolute compliance and control is this real very phenomenon. Its’ decadence to trust was brought to light in fiction likely thousands of years before its’ first initial use. A very simple way to exercise this is to test your memory on another person, identifying if they are dishonest with you. Even if you were not present and there is no way you could know, you may read the guilt, despair and power plays alike in the faces of those who would suppress the truth from you.

In absolute compliance, your silence seals the truth after others believe the lies that others sow in the absence of your contradiction. If you give it enough time, others will believe the convenient lies over time even if you speak the truth and the other speaks a lie. It’s easy to justify doing so in the dysfunction, and it’s no wonder that those that get away with this end up creating more dysfunctional individuals.

Indeed, like the truth, it’s more convenient to be fed a false lie than embrace the bitter truth. The truth will set the ones who brave the bitter fruit free. The others will suffer a tolerance akin to attempting to consume pure food after living on a junk diet for years.

Upon ousting a gaslighter they ought to show their teeth, even if it’s not directly to you. Here are some warning signals.


    1. Withholding information from victim;

    2. Countering information to fit the abuser’s perspective;

    3. Discounting information;

    4. Verbal abuse, usually in the form of jokes;

    5. Blocking and diverting the victim’s attention from outside sources;

    6. Trivializing the victim’s worth; and,

    7. Undermining victim by gradually weakening them and their thought process.

source: Evans, Patricia (1996). The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond (2nd ed.). Holbrook, Mass.: Adams Media Corporation.

Maybe conversation isn’t had with you about it and you’ll have no choice but to read people after your proper ousting. Micro suggestions and body language may reveal what conversation will not. Vanessa Van Edwards’ work might be useful to you in this regards. The same can be said for Jeffery Combs. I’ve developed plenty of experience from utilizing Jeffery’s work along with red flags developed from the work in Tribal Leadership alone. At the very least, please consider this: absolute control and emotional blackmail make for a perfect storm in gaslighting. Know the flag and treat it appropriately if you experience it. It is my wish that you and those you care about do not waste your faith, love, time, energy or money on people or situations like these.


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